he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
