a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
