just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
