I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
