I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
