Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Never joke about your clitoris.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
