Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize