I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
