erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
