After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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