Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
