So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
