then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
