i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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