i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
