This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
