Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I've blown a few things in my day
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
