see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
