i barfeds in our rink
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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