we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
