Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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