Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
