At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
