i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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