My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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