there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
