Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
