She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
