I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
