you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
