I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
