I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
