3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This is not my ceiling
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
