Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
