someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
