Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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