Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
