actually, I'm a sock model
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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