WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
