wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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