i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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