One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
