he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
