Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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