its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
