We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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