I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
