her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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