YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
