Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
