Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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