I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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