his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm really busy with my period
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