i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
