I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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