just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
