My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
