Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize