I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
