All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
