His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
