Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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