I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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