Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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