So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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