whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
is it fun? or sober?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
