that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
