At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
