Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
