I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
