how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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