I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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