her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
