Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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