I think I died a long time ago.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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