I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
