There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
