i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
