she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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